Conflict

Quite a few things happened over the past few weeks. Some interesting, some absolute trash. It makes me wonder why or how I end up doing the things I hate the most. Is it out of compulsion or sheer lack of realisation? Probably both.

My mind and heart fight a weary battle, speaking entirely different languages. The victor, in the end, is the clever mind. It knows how to win over the maudlin heart and has its way during terrible times. I am thankful to the mind for helping me survive. To the heart, I owe a lot more for if it hadn’t lost, my levels of insanity would’ve rose.

Perception veiled under pragmatism and emotions manipulated often, I dream of times when decisions are not hard to make.

Life is cruel yet beautiful.

Little miss twinkle toes

I looked at myself in the mirror for the zillionth time. Anxious. More so, nervous. It wasn’t my first time here. I’ve been used to having many strange faces stare at me, all at the same time. And blurring them all in an instant is a talent I possess. I checked the timepiece on the dressing table – 7.30 PM. The chief guest will be done soon, I supposed. My palms started sweating and I knew that my make up was wearing off too. I hurried back to the green room to do the final touch up.

The chief guest uttered the last few lines from his well-scripted speech. It was time! Loud cheers from the audience for the 40 minutes speech was more a sign of tolerance than appreciation. “Argh! What are you thinking about?”, I screamed sensing the creases on my forehead. “It doesn’t matter now. Nothing matters now. All that matters is you going up on that stage and doing a good job.”, I re-iterated. A conversation with oneself  every now and then does not signify that one is insane. It rather helps one to stay sane.

I turned to walk out to the backstage to find Arnab, my partner. Too late. He was already here looking for me. From his expression, something wasn’t right. Was I late? Maybe a little too tensed. We stared at each other for a full 60 seconds and then he said, “You look beautiful.” I let out a chuckle. Of all the people I knew, Arnab wasn’t the kind to give away compliments that easily. But some compliments do come your way when you least expect it.  The emcee announced our performance. We were definitely late now. I grabbed my partner’s hand, muttered a thank you and sprinted out towards the stage.

He paused right before the entrance and let go of my hand. Confused, I turned back to face him questioningly. He gave me a quick hug, looked into my eyes and said, “This is your day. Live it!” I could’ve easily cried for this was going to be the best day of my life. I knew it and I surely wanted to live every single second of this day. I fought back the tears and managed a nod.

It was dark. We made our entry from either side of the stage. When the song began, the crowd cheered so loudly that it deafened my ears. And as we stepped into the light, the cheering raised a few more decibels. My heart went aflutter. Ecstatic, I made slow movements to the beat reaching for my partner. He was already there hands stretched out with a serene smile on his face. I clasped his hand and he held me up like a trophy to face the audience. I bent one leg up and pointed the other’s toes towards the ground as I smiled at the blurred faces and turned to do a pirouette. This is where I got nervous to the point of breaking down. Unfortunately, my previous attempts to do a pirouette failed miserably but my instructor was absolutely confident about me to put that into the sequence. Luckily, there was just one. Arnab seemed mildly surprised as I managed to do the perfect one and took a quick small step to reach for the close hand. If only I wasn’t on stage, I would’ve jumped with joy. We did a simple dip leading to a double turn and then a triple… and then a quadruple turn. *applause* He then cuddled me with a power grip to do the “death drop” dip. The crowd broke into the loudest applause this time. A few more turns, mambos and cross body leads and all I could hear was the striking of the palms of many hands.

 

Dance is a primal thing in me and I shudder to think of a life without it. It is an emotion, a feeling of liberation and an obsession for people like me. It is the most appropriate means to express my feelings and when I am dancing, I am myself. :)

As quoted by Constanze –

“Dancing is like dreaming with your feet”

Little did I know that that night would change the rest of my life. There was a new way I perceived happiness. Nothing could’ve made it better. I smile at those days and think why. Perhaps, it is a question that is meant to be unanswered.

And what about the people? Haha. Little miss twinkle toes, they call me now. :) 

Wanna be Fraands???

Past two months were crazy for me. Some new responsibilities, falling sick, shifting house, etc. took away a bit of my blogging time.

Though I’ve been sitting in the corner of this ever-so-bright office and whiling away my time on the not-so-cool Facebook everyday, I never could find the time to update my blog. Yes. You guessed it right. I am suffering from writer’s block. It cannot be called that exactly for I am no professional and this is no great book. :-p

So just to break the ice, I felt that it should do me some good to post some random stuff here. I was just checking the inbox of my Facebook account and found a few interesting reads. Guessed that right again, didn’t ya? :-D

It is a known fact that some people send fraand requests randomly and when asked, “Do I know you?”, here’s what they have to say:

Shekar: hello hws u ? Im shekar frm chennai… came across ur profile and thought if we cud get to knw each other.. im an absolute movie buff… luv music, photography, travelling and makin new frnds….
so tell me something abt ur self and msg me back if it isnt a hazzle….
hope to hear from u sooo :P

I love music, photography, travelling but not making new frnds. Thank you sooo!

Avinash: im not sure but have mutual frds amidst..anyways we have a opportunity of knowing eachother now…….wat say..after all knowing ppl n making frds isint a crime bhavana?? i cant believe i missed knowing u in this small world hmmmmmmmmm
Avi

No. It isint a crime yet. But if we become friends I might commit a crime. You’re better off missing me in this small world.

Abhilash: hey….
i have no idea who u are….. but i had something to say so jus decided to pop u a message….. so…i heppenned to notice some activity on my live feed with Sreedhar commenting on ur “Innocent” pic….. and i must say…. u look absolutely awesome in that pic!! i absolutely agree with that guy who commented that ur folks must be really proud seein that pic…. lookin good!! i dunno whether sayin “good work and keep up the good work” makes any sense cuz i dunno whether its work to look good… but anyways…. good work and keep up the good work…. in any case am sure that sayin “congrats” is absolutely sensible!!
take care
peace
@ 6 |-| ! | @ 5 |-|

I don’t know either. But saying Congrats is sensible? Thank you for appreciating my “good work” and I will “keep up the good work”

Jeyenthan: ya im jay i did IT.nw workin n shakthi fm im @ colombo…and watdo u knw abt me i’ll tell u and tel abt u….
jay

Am I supposed to be impressed about you doing IT or working in Shakthi fm? Uh.. Never mind.

me: do i know you?

Arjunan: yes.. from now.. :) hi i’m arjun..

me: How lame!!

Arjunan: wat u doing?

Shameless

Harish: hey buddy .. hw u bin ?? lemme b frnk .. i wanna make frndshp wid u .. got no reasonz ! no intensionz .. jst fa chat .. hope u wnt denny me ..:)

I just did.

Harsh: hi
Was going through ur profile, found it interesting, so am writing to u….. As a normal routine, I know u must be tired of people saying, “hiii there, u r cute, u r pretty, i like ur smile, i like ur eyes……. and stuff”……and i can imagine how irritating it can be when someone out of know where jumps up and says……. “DO u wanna be my friend, or can i be ur friend” and u feel like, Man DO i KNow u ………. Hence i would definately not do the same, neither would i ask u to be my friend… All i shall say is, “WHy dont we start a conversation and let friendship develop on its on……….” Hope u would BYEEEEEEEEE

Man you’ve done your homework. :-p

Vishal: hi …..howz u???
look dam pretty in the pics…..wanna know more bout u…..wud u like to make frnds with me?????
me wud feel gr8 to be associated with u……do reply n takecare

Me wud feel pathetic to be associated with u.

Raman: no, we both don’t. just happened to browse your profile or something like that in some silly appl. no harm trying my luck right? :)

Bad luck

Ashish: Aapki dosti ki ek nazar chahiye; Dil hai beghar use ek Ghar chahiye
Bas yun hi saath chalte raho ae dost; Yeh Dosti hume umar bhar chahiye

Wah wah wah!! Kahin meri khud ki nazar na lag jaaye.

Sampath: hi dear…
wao wht a eyes…..
to whom u looking im here dear….

If I ever get to kill someone, it would be you.

Anonymous: hi happy diwali….do uknow one thing about u ….that u have an intresting persone hidden inside u ..and ilove to have an intresting person always at my pal…so can i ask for the hand of friendship of that intresting person hidden inside u ….????

Hand of friendship! Hmm.. Sorry the boring person outside doesn’t want to be friends with you.

Manish: i want to have good relations with you!!!

Now how do I answer this?

Soumya: Hello… I am a human and you?

<laughs> And I am a protozoan

Last but not the least, the best of all fraandship requests from Mr.Sury:

Sorry about that Mr.Sury but you really crack me up. =D

Guys, please just understand that making new fraands is old and gone.

Sounds good?

Okay, I work in radio. So what? That doesn’t necessarily make me the girl with a beautiful voice. I do not have to talk on-air. But some people do prefer my voice. Is that bad? Why does my voice always have to sound good? It may be different but having a bad voice day is just the same as having a bad hair day. I’ve suffered both.

Stop telling me that my voice sucks. I know it and I use it only to yap with friends. If you want me to sing, you probably will have to bear with it. Or let me give you a better idea. Shut your ears!!!

I dance better than sing or anything. Period!

Realisation Dawns…

I’ve come to realise that I feel

good when I am dancing.

I’ve come to realise that my legs

are not as flexible as they appear.

I’ve come to realise that this weekend

will be as hectic as ever.

I’ve come to realise that when I’m driving

I want to slap the &^$%&$ out of other drivers.

I’ve come to realise that I have lost

respect for losers.

I’ve come to realise that I hate it when

you trust someone with all your heart and it ends up getting broken.

I’ve come to realise that if I seem to have fallen in love

I am probably dreaming.

I’ve come to realise that I like

to have fun once in a while.

I’ve come to realise that if I’m drunk

I’ll dance like crazy.

I’ve come to realise that certain people

didn’t deserve me.

I’ve come to realise that cell phone is

the worst thing that has ever happened to mankind.

I’ve come to realise that my pillars of strength

are my two sisters.

I’ve come to realise that I love to

dwell on the past and never want to face reality.

I’ve come to realise that right now I am thinking about

leaving office early and spending time at home.

I’ve come to realise that my mom

is one of the best people I know

I’ve come to realise that when I get on facebook

it’s the best way to waste my time

I’ve come to realise that I really want

contentment

I’ve come to realise that I need

God NOW!!!

Luck – Not so lucky!

As the name suggests, one needs truck-loads of LUCK to survive this film. You know that it’s the usual bollywood impact that the director has tried his hands on when the movie starts with a couple of blindfolded men, Sanju Baba among the lot, scooting across several railway lines right when all the trains zip and makes you grip the edge of the seat. But as expected, Sanju Baba, being the luckiest of them all, survives it while everyone else gets knocked off one by one. I mean, what the luck was that?? It is quite impressive in the beginning when you have no idea about the movie at all. As the story unfolds, one tends to get bored beyond imagination. 

Imran Khan, the heartthrob of sweet lil’ innocent girls(including me) has been successful in giving yet another flop. Kudos! His earlier film, Kidnap also featured Sanju Baba and I am guessing they don’t share a lucky partnership. Tinsel town’s new girl, Shruthi Hassan fails miserably in dialogue delivery and looks more like a dead woman walking around in s*** low-waist leather pants showing off her tattu(s)<tattoos>.

Chitrashi and Mithun Chakraborty were the only two who have done justice to their roles and made the movie a ‘teeny weeny’ bit bearable. Ravi Kishan in the role of psychopathic ring killer seems to be more like a joker from the circus giving his oh-my-god-that-was-so-scary laughs..

On the whole, this is a waste-o’-time movie for which I paid 120 bucks(tickets alone) plus 150 bucks for the popcorn and coke.

Luckily, I kept my brains at home this time around.

Unforgettable!

1995:

Air force school – 1st STD. Getting ready to school and walking that path full of flowers. I was always delighted to go that way. It was so blissful that I forgot all about school. I somehow manage to forget the name of the flower which gives honey. Help?!

1996:

Exact city life! 2nd STD – I hated school and the only person who made it bearable was Miss Lakshmi. I wonder how she handled me then. I was extremely stubborn and would refuse to even eat my food. My father was the best man on earth but my Uncle(Mama) was a hunk. He was a bike racer and wore leather jackets and shoes. He loved to play blaring music at home.. MJ was his favourite.

1997:

3rd STD – school was not so bad. But my class teacher, Miss Hema was the devil straight from hell. Sashi Bala – the girl from UP and Lakshmi, the chamathu iyengar girl, were my biggest rivals and I would have done anything to kill them. My aunt taught us dance. Now you know where those moves come from. =)

1998:

Sashi, Lakshmi and I became great friends. My class teacher remained the same but now it was ok. Portions were getting tougher but I managed to score 2nd rank. :) Boys vs Girls thing started.

1999:

5th STD – Everything was so good. School, home, friends, everything. All of sudden, grandma expired. I was in shock. Wept for a week. Cancelled my dance show that was to happen the following week.

2000-2003:

We moved to a new house. I spent loads of time in the terrace playing and sky watching. During holidays, I would wake up by 11 only to switch on the TV and watch Farscape followed by umpteen number of other movies. Shwetha and Soundarya became my close mates in school. Rekha ma’am, our English teacher asked us(Soundarya and me) to shut up in grammar classes cuz we always knew the answers. :D

2004:

Moved to a new neighbourhood. Chitrad, the annual function the colony and the Kumbabhishegam of the local temple were two successful events conducted by us. Danced with Ram anna for Kunguma poove song from Pithamagan.  He played Surya and I played Simran. :P My sister played the role of Laila. It was a super duper hit and we danced twice.

Completed 10th STD successfully. Phew!

Was introduced to Chinmaya Mission. Played the role of Trijitha and Soorpanakha in Kambar Ramayana.

My first crush! :)

2005:

Started actively participating in CHYK activities and found my love for cartooning. Mitranandaji allowed me to make cartoons for a newsletter called Dindimah. Love that time. Supriya helped me with my studies especially Accountancy.

2006:

12th STD! The trip to Sidhabari, Kulu Manali and Rohtang Pass. I still remember sitting on that bench near Gurudev Samadhi and staring at the snow-clad mountains. Beautiful sight, it was!

My first job! :) Orkut addiction.

2007 & 2008:

Trip to Kerala! The lovely people in Kochi, awesome food and the boating.. My sister’s marriage in Tirupathi. Easily the best time in my life.

Quit my first job and moved to Hello! A wacky environment, it was, with a cool set of colleagues. All play and no work. I joined Salsa classes. Life, at it’s best! :)

2009:

None yet! But as suggested by a friend, blogging became a part of my life and I am glad that it did. :)

Finals Finally!!! (Should I be happy?)

This post is aimed at informing everyone reading this post(!?!) that I am finally gearing up for my final war against Madras Univ to get my darn graduation certificate.

Finals Finally! Yes, anticipating examinations all the time can have that effect on you too. Only if you were much bothered about your final year grades. Abhorring books is not unusual but I must say with a heavy heart indeed that Univ books SUCK big time. They may not resemble those fat, pillow-like, easily-scaring-weak-hearted-students-like-me-who-faint-at-the-very-sight-of-such-unpleasant-things type of books but sure I’ve hated them since my second year in BM. The content and its instructional design can be attributed to no less than PATHETIC WORK. Hoards of printing and grammatical errors changing the entire concept to be conveyed makes it all the more PATHETIC! They are more like some kind of rough draft waiting to be proof read. Truly, a self-learning material! I have edited my accounts book more than 27 times. Guess that explains it.

Any course can be misleading by its name. I was extremely excited when I first heard about this course – Banking Management. My love for Accounts made me choose this dumb subject for UG unaware of the consequences. It was only in the second year that I realised how useless the whole course was. The content(again) is extremely worthless. A student only gains little knowledge in the field about financial markets and marketing functions in the banking industry with a few final accounting work. Yeah, if you’re a commerce student, you would’ve probably learnt that way back in 12th std. This is for State board, mind you! CBSE portions will have a lot more.

Anyway, I can only be glad that the hard time is ultimately going to end. I am gonna put an end to it. Yaay! :D

Pray for me, please! Pray that I never should find myself in a position to write these wretched exams again. :( Okay, that was too much. I should go now. Ta!

Oh yeah, wish me luck! I need it. :)

Update: My last day at work cuz I am on leave for a month. I must wind up everything soon. I hope to lose my size zero frame atleast now with all of mom’s food. My first exam is – Credit and Treasury management. Will update more on the disastrous event.

P.S:- Anyone in love with Madras Univ, please ignore me, thank you.

P.P.S:- I would be glad to receive prayers and wishes through comments. :D

Truth of life!

It only seemed like yesterday when they were family;

Centre, my second home, t’was full of glee.

A huge family I couldn’t live without

But two years passed by without a doubt.

Now they were here, in front of me,

Asking me to stay and not flee.

I thought I was away from all that shit

But I couldn’t control even a bit.

What was I thinking? I don’t know.

Memories came flooding and gave me a blow.

I looked at him, it gave me a chill,

For the cheerful man was now so still.

His mother wept throughout,

His brother went paranoid.

All is gone, all is fake,

There is nothing we can take.

A lesson I learnt with strife

That Death is the ultimate truth of life.

I pray, my friends, only this much,

Remember always to keep in touch!

Rest in peace – Vijay and Uncle! dedicated to their family and loved ones…

Tere Naina!

The song:

I saw this movie, Chandni Chowk to China sometime in the month of January. It was crappy as hell. Easily the worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. There are lot many that are even worse but this one just beats them all for now. However, I wonder missed this song. Tere Naina! If you haven’t heard this song yet, download and listen to it from here. It’s worth it. :)

Tere Naina

I just can’t remember when this song comes in the movie and when the great Mr.Unbuttoner sings for the lovely Ms.Paduka. Must admit that all other songs from this movie were puke inducing except this one, of course.

How the love developed:

Sometime back, a friend played this song in his comp just to flaunt his new speakers. The beats and the lyrics of this song just made me fall in love with it the first time I listened to it. I went up to  him to find out the movie name and copy the song from him. He refused to give me claiming it was copyrighted stuff. Yes.. he is crazy! (don’t ask) After much persuasion, I got hold of the song and till now I listen to it everyday. :)

What’s in the video:

And just a few days later I watched a performance by Gauhar Khan and… I don’t know the guy’s name but I am betting he was the choreographer in a TV show called Jhalak Dikhla Ja! It was apparently a wild card round and so Gauhar got an opportunity to do an amazing performance for this song. Since then this song has been favourite.

I refuse to watch the actual video of this song because this performance is well etched in my mind + CC2C sucsk.  The song is great and so is the performance.

Sung by Shankar Mahadevan and Shreya Ghoshal. Here it is.

P.S:  If this song wasn’t part of the movie, please tell me. I would be pleased with my memory. :) :P