Questions

At this point in time, my mind is buzzing with a million questions:

 

Is it okay to be confused?

Is it okay not to know?

Is it okay to have no direction?

Is it okay to be …

Do I live each day to the fullest?

Do I love what I do?

Do I eat right?

Do I even sleep tight?

Is it okay to be angry?

Is it okay to be sad?

Is it okay to waste time?

Is it okay to take chances?

Or am I being reckless?

Am I being conscious?

Or am I being wise?

Am I really alive?

Am I really me?

Why do I have so many questions?

Why do I even try?

A slow death

The world seemed so cold and harsh. Lifeless, she felt in it. Alone in her room, she lay flat on her back and stared at the ceiling, counting invisible stars, tears trickling down from her puffy eyes. A million questions were fleeting through her mind – questions she already had answers to.

How long had it been? No one could tell. No one knew, in fact. It’s like she never existed. Everything that mattered in her life was gone.

She remembered his beautiful face and marvelled. He was so perfect. So painfully perfect that she knew in her heart he could never be hers. And every time he looked at her, her heart would skip a beat. This time, it was different. She knew it had to end someday and this was the day. It was obvious he wanted to end things and she knew it would kill her. When he opened his mouth to speak, she walked away from him as as soon as she could.

She wanted to go back in time and set everything right. How could she? She meant every word that she should have left unspoken. And she hoped that some day he would look back and say, “Damn! The girl really loved me.”

Five things you didn’t know about me

1. A go-getter: I am impatient and I push things too hard

2. I like the chase, not the kill

3. I am the one who discovered depression

4. I pay attention to others’ feelings than words

5. I am eternally moody

an altered life

Broken into pieces, scattered they seem

In strange lands where peace is a dream

One, on a quest to discover and toil

One set a strong footing in home soil

Two untiringly tell an interesting yarn

As two more beings have just been born

Their feet so tender, eyes that wonder,

Angels indeed, many have craven

Who would’ve thought they’d be gift-wrapped from heaven?

Forgotten not are two more pillars

Holding the fort in bare silence

Together they make a fine set

Sharing love and laughter, differences after

Farther they live, fonder they grow

Strengthened are bonds among folk

Review – 127 Hours ^^ Claustrophobic wonder

Director: Danny Boyle

Cast: James Franco, Kate Mara, Amber Tamblyn

Music: A.R. Rahman

When the choice came down to watching 127 Hours or Tangled, “127 HOURS!!!”, I squealed, unaware of the film’s story and the brutality I was going to witness. Yes, I am an ignorant coward and I have been living in my own world for a while now. I had no idea about the movie except that it has been receiving some raving comments from people all over the world on social networking sites. So I figured it to be an adventurous and absolutely fun kind of a movie. Never thought it’d be so much fun. Phew! Also, my friend decided it was going to be great since it had some hot looking girls and James Franco and it was rated “A”. I do not mistake him because that’s the impression given by the film’s trailer. :P Too bad 127 Hours didn’t release earlier in India.

Anyway, the film is based on the book Between a Rock and a Hard Place, an autobiography by Aron Ralston, a loner who loves hiking alone in Utah’s canyon. On one such occasion, he accidentally falls down one of the canyons and winds up with his right arm pinned under a rock with no other option but to free himself by self amputation. He spends 127 torturous hours in the middle of nowhere reflecting upon his past, hallucinating, fantasizing and debating his very survival. He is left with a pocket knife that he uses to chip off the rock in an attempt to free his hand. Soon he realises that his efforts are futile as the rock only settles in better as he chips it off. With overwhelming frustation and relentless hope, he breaks his own arm in the end and cuts it off brutally. James Franco, in the role of Aron Ralston, has given a marvelous solo performance that will be savored by the audience for a long time. Director Danny Boyle is a master of small budget incredible films. Period!

The film is highly watchable albeit I couldn’t get myself to watch the amputation procedure (way too brutal for my taste), increasingly claustrophobic and depressing to an extent. But it is definitely one of those awe-inspiring films. Hats off to its cinematography, editing, screenplay and score. I would be surprised if it did not pick multiple Oscars. 

And if there is a major lesson to be learned from Danny Boyle’s 127 Hours, it’s NEVER to go hiking alone let alone inform someone before you do so. At least, that is what I learned. :D

Oh! I am such a child.

It is just weird how I confuse myself so much in the process of doing the right thing and get psyched out completely. Life is much better if one did not have to choose from a baffling variety of options. Wouldn’t it be easier if one only had to choose between options a and b or options c and d or op…? See? Decisions are hard to make when there is an array of choices. Classic case of “the more I learn the less I know”

Oh! I am such a child.

I Know You

i know you

i know where you live

i know where you work

i have your phone number

i have your e-mail id

i know your friends

i know your little car

i know i will meet you someday and have a little chat

i know i don’t want to let you go even in my thoughts

i know i love you

do you love me too? perhaps not

but i  at least know you…

The little diary

unedited

She had no idea why she cried for him. He did not talk properly. He did not care anymore. He was just not bothered if she was alive or dead. When she told him he had changed, he was not ready to listen. He got angry because she annoyed him. But he had no idea how annoyed she was. He just didn’t care. And that is why she did not tell him. All this while, there was not a single word to comfort her and there was no feeling sorry in his messages. She didn’t even get a proper reply for half the messages she sent him.

It slowly became difficult for her to keep things to herself. She began confiding in the little diary that was presented by him on her birthday. She wrote every day in that diary telling tales of her love for him. According to her, the diary was him and he was listening at last. Just when she thought her whole life sucked, the little diary came to her rescue, made her feel wanted and loved.

She decided not to disturb him anymore. She wanted to simply walk out of his life. She didn’t have to give any explanations because they won’t matter. Now that her little diary gave her the confidence to do so, she wrote in it one day that she didn’t want him anymore. There. Everything would disappear into thin air. He, their lovely dates, their love, everything would just die. Nothing will remain. Just her and the little diary.

A few days passed and she found herself happy again. The little diary spoke to her every night and sang her a lullaby as she drifted off to sleep. She went berserk when it went missing one day. She felt lonely all over again. Darkness seemed to engulf her and kill her. She couldn’t stand it anymore. She felt like running away.

She only wished God gave her the strength to pull herself back together. This time without the little diary. She’d found her happiness, but alas. The little diary was her companion and now it was gone. She sobbed and sobbed until dawn. She woke up at noon when rays of light glinted through the blinds in her bedroom. With puffy eyes, she took a piece of paper and scratched down a few lines that read,

I am lonely and sad.

I am scared and mad.

I am all that I shouldn’t be.

Help me!

That’s it.

Save me from this shit!

Taken

A few months earlier, t’was simple and unappreciated routine that turned into boredom and freaked me out. Confused as always, I turned to people who knew what was best for me. It happened so nobody really knew what was. More confused and agitated, I took a decision finally.

Do I regret the decision? No. Obviously, not. It isn’t something that I hated but I don’t like it either. It’s just… monotonous.

That’s the word.

Monotonous!

Hope

It is that word from the dictionary that cheers me up always. What’s life without hope? We hope to be something someday. We hope our loved ones love us always. We hope that life will become better in future. We hope to achieve many other things. Mankind is nothing without hope. Love is essential, I suppose but hope is our only surviving tool. My only surviving tool…